I fight my feelings, a lot.
So many new emotions, so many new things to get used to.
Can I keep up?

Sometimes I find myself in this dilemma. He's happy being out with his friends, but yet, I want him to myself. I want to be the one he tells stories to, not to the world. I want to be the one who makes him smile, make him happy. I want things that only two of know, our little secrets and inside jokes.

I like how even when he's talking with his friends, he holds my hands and squeezes them. Makes me feel like he remembers that I'm there, that I exist.
I also like how he doesn't feel awkward in front of his friends and just puts his shoulders around me.

But last night, when I saw him touch her hair. My heart sank. I just, I couldn't. I felt like I was choking. I didn't like it, at all. I just wanted to leave. I couldn't help but feel upset. But he's reassured me it's nothing. I guess, I'm just still worried. And still can't believe how someone like him can even like someone like me. Odd huh.

I feel like he shares himself a lot. He has so much to give to everyone.
And while I like that about him, I also don't like that about him.
I feel like I constantly have to share him.

We meet a lot, but I just feel, we don't spend a lot of time together.
When we hang out with his friends, I get to know him more. Get to know what he does more.
They talk about stuff I have completely no knowledge of. Terms used that I never even knew existed.
But I know he tries, very very hard to explain, to make me understand. And I appreciate that.

When we hang out with his colleagues, they talk about the patients, talk about work.
Things I can't connect with, unless he's told me.
 But of course, most of it, I know of. Except for the pretty girls and big boobed lady and plastic girl and whatnot.

But why is it that in spite of all these, I still feel like we're not spending enough time together?
Is it because when it's just the both of us, we spend most of the time sleeping because I start work early, and he starts and ends late. We just end up falling asleep in each other's embrace.

With 3 months of his brother's coming back, I guess it'll get harder. But then again, I like that his brother is back. He's laughing so much more, being so much more playful, so much happier. And I like this side of him.