I kept quiet because I thought maybe we will all be together again. But it isn't. You've all been such a huge part of my life and I want it back. Maybe it won't happen, but I'll keep wishing. As you read this now, you might feel that I'm trying to paint a good picture of myself, but I really am not. I am really, earnestly, trying to find our friendship back again because I have absolutely and completely no idea what happened.

This post, is dedicated to the friend/group of friends that I've known for a number of years. Friends whom I felt for the first time in my life, was where I belonged.

Friends who seem to be, no longer.

The friends whom I went to my first ZoukOut with and dragged their sandy feet back to the beach from the hotel where Skrillex was playing because I wanted to be there. Friends whom I've confessed things to which I never ever would have because I'm more a private person, and think more than twice before ever saying anything out loud.
I remembered the night I first spent at your place and was healed with magical ginger tea as I was puking my guts out. I remember talking to MMN about cheap floor mop sheets. I remember when we'd meet for a movie/dinner, and then I'd drive you all the way home (even though you live 1 million donkeys away) and even hang out under your block doing nothing, just talking to each other and take so bloody many selfies. I remember all the selfies we took even when we were drunk - i.e. squatting in the toilet. I remember the night we had korean food and watermelon soju (first time ever) and then all of us playing, "I've never ever" (or something like that) in the hotel room. I remember staying over, building that hell-of-a small furniture and stuff for the globe that sits on your table (no idea if it's still there now but I know it used to) and the light flicks on when you tap on the glass shell. I remember how we used to only be able to talk about the drinking but then we grew together and moved out of that phase and then had actual sober talks over kites and food we all prepared.

I thought our friendship was stronger. But even as I asked what happened, I wasn't told - I was just, excluded. If there was ever something wrong, I hope it can be mended because I miss you. All of you. So much. It hurts even in my bones to see how far we've drifted and that we'll probably be strangers again.

Where are you now? What happened to us?