Just done uploading another batch of pictures for the trip to States and emotions started pouring in,
and my eyes started to fill with tears.

No, I can't see 100% now, even without those tears, because that's just how tired I am.
But I still want to say this, because these, are words, that I can never bring out of my mouth.


I am actually thankful for social platforms, because it has made me be more able to express my thoughts.
Yes, I'm afraid of what people think when I type those mushy stuff.
Yes, I'm very much afraid that I say it, but I won't be able to do it.

I want to give my parents a good life, as they did to mine.
They brought me into this world, showing me the light, and slowly letting me go, to unveil my own adventures.
Despite their letting go, they are still there, always there.
They see you fall, and they'll hold your hand, and guide you.

I've lost my Grandfather when I was young, and hence, only really little memories of him.
I didn't really understand the pain of losing my Grandfather, I would have to say.
Even though I was really upset, it wasn't something that would make you cherish what you have in life.
I was only 14 then, wasn't mature enough.

I didn't exactly lose someone I loved in death, but I lost someone I once loved, someone whom I've shared everything with, for 3 years of my life.
I lost him. (And yes, I'm really over it.)

Losing him, has been by far the greatest lesson I've learnt in life.
I wouldn't say that I didn't cherish him when he was in my life.


Just that losing him, made me realise who will be there for me eventually at the end of the day.
The people for care, the friends whom you thought would care, the people who PRETENDED to care.

You see people for who they are.
And you see your family.
They're always there.

When you're sobbing in your locked up room, and/or just don't feel like talking, they respect that space.
You don't have tweet/update your status out loud.

Anyways, I've learnt to cherish my family a lot more now, and I'm thankful that I can still love them, and see them everyday.
There's nothing I wouldn't give just to see them every single day.

I ever asked myself when I was with (R) HIM in the past, "Would I choose him or family?"
Frankly speaking, I couldn't really figure an answer and wanted the best of both worlds.

But now, maybe because I've not found someone else or maybe because I'm just overly attached to my family, my answer is family, a million times over.

I don't even know if I'm making sense now.

But seeing my parents age, seeing my grandma age, it has really affected how I feel about life.
Hearing stories Jon S. shares with me on a near daily basis on how fragile life is, really made me want to treasure everyone even more than I already do.

I'm actually pretty glad (sometimes. But I beat myself up for this sometimes too) that I can never reject my father, whenever he asks me for a favour or something.

I don't want to live my life with a regret, because I know I probably wouldn't be able to handle it.

Tears are streaming down my face as I'm typing this.
I seriously have no idea why I'm feeling these many emotions at 3:20AM on a Tuesday night.
But, yeah.
Anyway no one reads this crap, who bothers if I even make sense or not.


I really hope I'll find out what my true potential is, and determine the path I'm supposed to build, soon.
I want my parents to live in comfort.
I want to take care of them and give them the best of everything, as they have given to us.

I'm eternally blessed to have parents like them.
Thank you, for being you.
Thank you, for bringing me to this world.
Thank you, for giving me such a perfect family.
Thank you, for giving me such beautiful sisters and brothers.
Thank you, for holding my hand and guiding me when I fall.
Thank you, for respecting my choices, even if they are wrong so that I learn from my mistakes.
Thank you, for opening my eyes to see parts of the beautiful world at such a young age.
Thank you, for giving us the best of everything.
Thank you, for yelling at us to make us grow up and think more maturely.
Thank you, for everything.

I have so many more thank yous to say, but, I just want to say,
I love you.

Typing that was hard, that last line.
I probably don't say it much and it sounds funny when I actually do..
Typing doesn't seem to make it any easier either.

Till then.